Time passed, and seasons melted one into the next as the years went by. More preaching, more doctrinal discourse. I accepted The Lord as my personal Saviour at age 10, and began to grow in knowledge. Still, my convictions were formed based on my parents thoughts and study of God's Word. They taught me right and wrong, and why we believed certain ways about certain things. They wanted me to have wisdom and discernment about issues such as modesty, music, friendships, relationships, Godly leaders, role models, and entertainment. As a child, it was enough for me to know that they knew.
At some point, however, a shift had to happen. A change had to be made. I was growing up, as were my siblings, and soon--very soon, that would no longer be enough. As we grew older and made several moves in my teen years, we began to have more exposure to the world and the sparkly but lethal attractions it offered. I can't tell you the day or moment it happened, but all at once, I had to make choices on my own whether or not to chase after those attractions.
There had to be a change of heart from me holding my parents' beliefs because they said so, and me holding those beliefs because I myself believed they were true. They had to become MY convictions. When you face a strong temptation, it doesn't work very well to say, "Oh, well...my parents say that's not a good thing to do..." No. There is a huge fall coming for someone who does that.
Thank God, that change happened. I don't know the day or the moment, but in His infinite grace, He brought me into firm convictions about the truth of principles in His Word. I no longer hold to what my parents believe simply because they say so (though I am so deeply grateful for their teaching in my life!!!)...I do it because I truly want to follow the ways of God myself. I want to live out His Word in my life, with all my heart. And I fail, oh, I fail so often! But I can't express in words how thankful I am that God is willing to take me back and show me the way over and over. To cleanse me when I mess up yet again.
Here is the heartbreaking part of this, though. I have many dear friends who have never made this choice. All through their teen years, they still served God like their parents did, but only because they had to. Once they turned 18, they had no reason to stay because their parents' faith had never become theirs. These are people that I love and care about, that I grew up with for a good piece of my life! I am thinking through name after name in my head as I write this...Over a dozen names of people I was close to at one time. Now, they have left church and their families. Some of them are married to or dating people they should never be involved with at all. Some of them are into drugs. Some are simply not interested in the things of God anymore...they have much more important things to think about and work towards, in their eyes. And when I think of and pray for them, it hurts so much, because I know how they once were. On fire for God, serving Him, and following His way, but never on their own. They never made the choice to grow towards God in their own lives, even if everyone around them were to fall away. And as a result, they themselves fell away, dragging many others with them. They have hurt the name of Christ, caused heartache and pain to their families, friends, and leadership, and discouraged others around them, all because they didn't make the shift from mandatory to voluntary faithfulness. God is able to draw them home and bring redemption in their lives. I know this, and I pray so often for it to be done. However, how many broken, wasted years have already gone by! And how many more will pass before they come back to the sheep fold!
I truly hope and pray that every one of us, myself most of all, will strive after the things of God. Not just because others say to, but because we truly want to be good soldiers ourselves. I know how hard it is sometimes to keep up the good fight. Things get discouraging. Times get tough, and the grass on the other side of the fence looks so much more appealing than the path God has us walking at this moment. But think of the reward! Think of hearing Jesus say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant"! Is it worth it to walk away? To drift around, not knowing your own convictions and beliefs? Think about it...your stand for Christ will ALWAYS be rewarded and blessed. Your stand against Him will only cause pain, grief, and heartbreak. By the grace of God, may we make the right choice!
Mykaela
