Well, would you look at that, I'm back again less than two months since I blogged last! ;) Today's topic is something I've had on my heart for quite a while, and debated with myself about sharing. But, as you can see, I've decided to go ahead and do it, so here we go!
Marriage. As young women we all have both preconceptions about it as well as a lot of voices of advice and thoughts on the subject clamoring for our attention. Especially after I got engaged, I heard SO many pieces of "wisdom" from sources of all types. Out of all these tidbits, I noticed a common thread. A statement I heard over and over from all different people.
"Marriage is hard!!"
Variations of this statement include referring to it as hard work, an uphill battle, or, my favorite, being told that "The honeymoon stage will wear off one of these days" like it's a painkiller currently sparing us from the agonizing reality that is married life.
It's November of 2020, and we've now been married for over two years. I realize that is not very long compared to many, and some people will completely dismiss my statements in this post because I don't have enough marriage experience under my belt to qualify to say anything. Perhaps they are right. However, I can't help but think that maybe they are the ones missing out.
Maybe I'm living in a delusion, but if someone were to come up to me and ask how I would describe marriage, "hard" would NOT be one of the first adjectives to come to my mind! Are there hard moments? Sure. Is my life automatically a shining bed of roses just because I wear a band on my left hand? Nope. There have been times that a difficult conversation needed to be had, and part of me felt like avoiding that talk instead of working things through until we both felt that the issue was resolved. There have been times when sickness or stress at work made it a little more difficult to have grace with each other's shortcomings. But Luke and I live together. We share our lives, our meals, our bed...how and why would I willingly choose to live at odds with someone I have to see that often?! ;)
I am not writing this post as a marriage advice column, because I definitely don't feel qualified for that! However, I just want to share a few things that most people didn't emphasize to me when talking about married life. Things I share with you as encouragement and testimony to God's goodness and grace.
They didn't tell me how incredible it is to have someone as your life partner, your team mate, someone who is always in your corner, so to speak. Someone who is willing to help you get back up when you stumble, forgive and extend grace when you need it, and encourage your heart when you're down.
They didn't tell me how many hundreds of ways marriage could teach me about my Saviour. The parallels and examples I would see through the relationship that my husband and I share.
They didn't tell me the joy that would come after pushing through and having that hard conversation or apologizing when I'm wrong even when it felt uncomfortable and took some humility.
They didn't tell me the fulfillment I'd experience through choosing to cherish another person, finding new ways to make their heart rejoice, and loving them more deeply every day...yes, even after the "honeymoon phase" is past. Side note: That phrase still kind of bugs me because you can act like newlyweds whether you've been married for 5 minutes or 50 years. Letting the romance die is not something that just happens automatically once you've been married for a few years and had kids.
They didn't tell me what a gift it would be to be able to serve my husband when he needs me. Obviously I hate it when he's sick or hurting, but being able to give him the comfort and support he needs during those times is so precious to me!
They didn't tell me that the physical relationship within marriage is, in my opinion, as close to heaven on earth as it gets. Yes, I said that. ;)
They didn't tell me how much more deeply I'd love my husband now than the day we got married. How seeing him play with our son would melt my heart. How wonderful waking up next to my best friend would be...not just the first one or two times, but hundreds of days in.
I don't want to put marriage on a higher pedestal than it belongs. In no way am I saying that marriage is the be all end all of life and if you're single you have a sorry existence. I'm not saying that AT ALL. But I feel like way too many people talk down about marriage, and to put it bluntly, I'm really sick of hearing it. I'm tired of seeing young women get married, put little to no effort into their own attitudes, thoughts, and actions, and then blame their husband when marriage isn't as sparkly and perfect as they had hoped. If you are placing responsibility for your heart attitudes onto your husband, of COURSE your marriage will suffer! As will your spiritual walk, your church life, and your day to day living...your husband cannot ever take the place of God.
To sum up, what I'm saying is that marriage can be good. Really, really good. And I truly feel sorry for all those who can only describe it as "hard", because I don't believe it has to be. Through God's grace and help, it can be glorious.
Mykaela
